Falling
by HarlequinTemptation
Summary: What's it like to lose everything? Oneshot, crackfic.


Title: Falling  
Author: Harlequin Temptation / MoonKittenLuna  
Rating: PG-13?  
Pairing: Harry/Draco  
Summary: What's it like to lose everything?  
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Story is.  
Notes: Unbetaed. OOC practically AU. Not originally meant to be Harry and Draco, it just happened. Deal.  
Anyone who reads this, comments would be greatly appreciated. I think I hate it, but I want other input.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to lose everything?"

I pause for a moment and wonder if he wants a truthful answer.

"No." I state flatly.

He turns to stare at me, and I see in his eyes that he does not understand my simple answer, but I will not give him more unless he makes me and he knows that.

"Why not?" he asks.

I hesitate before staring out the window. Why not, indeed.

"I don't need to wonder..." I trail off hoping that he is finished with this subject.

"What do you mean you do not need to wonder?" His tone is slightly angry and I sigh. I look at a few stars shining before I answer hoping that my pause does not make him more angry.

"I don't need to wonder because I have lost everything." He starts to reply so I continue. "I have no family, I have no friends..."

"You do have friends," he interrupts.

"I have gravestones, not friends. I have lost them to death. I have no feelings. I have lost those too. No happiness, no anger, no sadness, and no fear. I have no soul and I have no money." I pause to take a breath and he takes the pause as a place for him to add his thoughts. I do not correct him.

"You certainly have money."

"I have money in a bank that I cannot get to, for that would mean you would have to let me out and even then I would have something else that I have lost, freedom. I have lost my self respect too. I have lost everything." I finish and go back to staring out the window. In the silence I think that he left and so I lose myself in thought.

"You still have yourself." His voice shocks me back to the tiny room. It's a simple statement, not meant to make me feel better, but to try and prove me wrong.

"No, I do not even have myself. You have me...you own me and I am your doll to do with as you please. If they came today and wanted to kill me, it is your decision if I die. I do as you tell me. I am your puppet. "

He says nothing to this and I realize that I have just won this argument. I will more than likely be punished. I can handle that. I'm used to it now. Seeing war hardens a person, but being a prisoner destroys them.

"Turn around." It is soft and gentle but I know that it is a command I must follow. I do so automatically now. My body is not my own.

When I turn I am looking into startling grey eyes. I have never been allowed to look in his eyes and so I stare at the ground instantly. It would not do to have two punishments, hopefully this one will be considered an accident and he will forgive it.

But as I am staring at the ground his hand rises to my face. I don't flinch or move at all. Whatever happens is because my body is his too. So if he feels like hitting me then I must accept it. Yet the hand does not hit me, it grasps my chin and pulls it slightly upwards, and I am looking into grey again.

"You have me."

I laugh, I cannot help it. The statement is foolish and since when does he feel the need to console me? Maybe he just realizes that I am what it is like to lose everything. I have shown him and he feels something for being the cause of my loss. Or maybe he is just playing with me. I am just a doll after all.

"I do not have you, you have me. I cannot own something that already owns me." I never thought I would be having this conversation in my cell...with him.

"Of course you have me." he states, but then continues when I look at him. "If you are indeed a doll, like you say you are, then dolls have owners. Since you are my doll I am your owner and therefore, you have something."

I hate it when he wins.

"Then I have not lost everything yet. But dolls can be thrown away and then they have no owners, and then I will have nothing." I have gone to far I can see the anger start to rise in him.

"Well some dolls never get thrown out, some are kept forever."

"Do you plan to keep me forever then?" I know I shouldn't speak when he is angry but I cannot help myself, the question slips out.

He stares at me for long moments where time seems to be laughing at us. He studies me and then he touches my face again and speaks. "You have lost everything, because you have lost faith in everyone."

For once I am at a loss at what to say. How could I respond to that? But I do respond, my silence lets him know that he is right. For once though this does not seem to be what he wanted to hear because he sighs. Sighs? He never sighs, and I wonder what has happened. He glances around my cell quickly and I wonder if he wants me again tonight.

"I want you to..." He must be able to read thoughts, or else I can. Either way I completely stop listening to the rest of his sentence, instead I walk over and sit on my bed. I wait for the next sentence, for instructions. None come. Instead he starts walking towards me and he starts grinning. I already do not like where this is headed.

"You weren't listening." It's not a question, but I feel I should answer him.

"No." He gently seats himself on my bed. Next to me. I begin to wonder how many things are off about this night. Why isn't he in front of me, shoving me down?

And then my world falls apart.

Because Draco Malfoy lays his head on my shoulder, sighs and shuts his eyes. In that instant I realize that this is all some weird dream.

With his eyes still shut he starts speaking. "Have you lost the ability to love?"

I blink. Once. Twice. "I have nothing to love." He stiffens next to me and for the first time in the four years since he captured me, I feel curiosity. And now I have something else.

"I wish I could love, and feel. I wish I had everything back." I say it very softly not because I have hope, but because I do not want him to hear. I have never told him this much about myself. Never.

"Who would you choose to love." It's a whisper and I wonder what feeling is behind that voice, because I do not recognize it.

"I think I would love everyone who loved me," I pause a moment, "no, I would love whoever loved me unconditionally. So in the end I wouldn't love anyone."

He laughs and I feel the vibration of it where our bodies touch. "What would you do if I told you I loved you?"

Again I blink. Once. Twice. And even a third time.

"I don't know." It's an honest answer but obviously not what he was looking for because he pulls himself away from my shoulder and looks at me.

"I killed my father yesterday." He is nonchalant about it. But I see his body stiffen and the hurt and anger in his eyes. I suddenly realize what all this is. He is lonely and has come to me for comfort. I almost want to snort at the idea of it all.

"Why did you do that?" It seems to be the right answer because his body relaxes a bit.

"He made me very angry. He said something I did not like and I killed him." Simple answer, but there is something he is not saying.

"I do that all the time and I am still alive. Or is that because I am the prisoner?" That came out a little too cheeky.

"You do. I got in trouble for not punishing you properly. Imagine my father yelling at me for being to nice to you. I mean I am 22 and you are mine so it is not his place. But that isn't what made me angry. Imagine how I felt when my father turned to me and told me I was no longer part of the family because I was not..." He sighs and trails off before leaning into me again. I don't know what to do and I do not like how the atmosphere has suddenly changed between us.

"I killed him because I refused to give you to him." That sounds simple enough, he owns me why would he want to give me up? "I killed him for questioning my love for you."

What. The. Bloody. Hell.

I misheard, or something. I had to. But I realize that grey eyes are staring at me with nothing less than fear...and hope.

"Do you think he was right? Is it all something I made up? Could I really love you?"

"You keep me locked in a cell, use my body as you please, and you punish me as you see fit. I do not think you could call that love." He looks hurt and if I didn't know better I would think he was going to cry. But I do...know better that is.

"Your door has been unlocked since the second week you have been here. Your room is the same as mine, it is just charmed to look the way people believe it should, this is for my father. I do not use your body, as you so nicely put it, you give yourself to me. I always ask. I do however get angry with you and hurt you, but then I feel horrible for days and I stay away from you." He is very pale and I wonder what he is talking about.

I realize he isn't lying because the moment I think of the room being huge and comfortable it is. I also remember how I haven't tried to leave here since the first week. I also remember how he has always asked me, but I never thought it was really a question.

In that moment I realize that I have not lost everything, I have given it all up.

"That sounds like...something to me. Though I am not sure what love is." This has to be a joke or a horrible dream. The kind of dream you have when you realize everything that is wrong in your life. Yet I know it isn't because I pinch myself just to be sure. This is real. Draco Malfoy just confessed his love for me. The realization causes me to feel again, because I want my feelings back and I want everything I gave up.

He doesn't notice the change though. He swings his legs across mine, wraps his arms around me and buries his face in the space where my neck meets my shoulder. For the first time I can remember he starts crying, and I wonder how I could have missed all the changes in him from when we were in school to when he took me in. 

I start when I realize the end of that thought. He did take me in, when I was wounded and bleeding he took me in and he has been hiding me. I remember the fights he had with his father. It all is so clear now. I push up the sleeve of his shirt, but I no longer see anything there.

"The room isn't the only thing that changes from the charm."

He looks up at me for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"I see you the way that I should...the evil little death eater. Until tonight. Take the charm off, I want to truly see you." He just stares at me for a minute before looking to where my hand still rests on his arm. He jolts a little but nods and does some wandless magic. The room changes, but Malfoy doesn't.

"You didn't change..." I trail off, thinking maybe it was all in my head.

And suddenly he's kissing me. I don't know what to do or what I did to elicit this reaction, but I find myself liking it. The tiniest, faintest bit.

A tiny thought comes to the front of my mind and I realize that Draco has given me what I have always wanted from everyone. Love, not because I am Harry Potter, but because I am. I realize that it is horribly wrong and he must have know that I wanted that, or this is all a lie. Oh God, what if he is just making it all up to break me. 

He grabs my hand and pulls away from me. He stands up and starts pulling me behind him. We walk through my door and through many twisting corridors, we walk into a library and he stops so quickly that I slam into him and we tumble to the ground. As I start to stand I raise my eyes and my vision is no longer obstructed by his head. On the floor in the middle of the room is the eldest Malfoy. Dead. I can feel the magic of the killing curse in the air and I turn to stare at Draco, but he is staring at me. The breeze from an open window blows over us. It takes a moment before I know what he is doing. Showing me what he did for me. For his love for me.

He lifts his hand and it is trembling with something in it. It is a bit of parchment and believing that there is no harm in a bit of parchment I take it and read it. Written in a very elegant handwriting are places and peoples names. It looks a little like...a strategy.

"That is where the next battle will happen and those are the plans the Death Eaters have made. I took them from my dead fathers pocket but I would not trust him. He may have know I would kill him. They are yours to do with as you please." He raises a hand and points to the fireplace still looking at me. "There is your exit. You are not my doll, I do not want a doll. Nor do I want a puppet. You are free Harry."

I drop that paper and stare. Harry? He has never called me Harry! In fact he has never called me by name.

"Why is this the first time you have called me by name?" Who did not see that question coming? Apparently he didn't because he flinches on the floor and looks away from me before he speaks.

"It is so much easier to understand loving you when I do not think of you as Harry Potter, my enemy, The Boy Who Lived. With all that stripped away you are just a person. A simple man and I can love a person. That is easy, but how could I love Harry Potter?"

And I am lost.

He has told me everything I have ever wanted.

"Can I use a quill, some parchment and an owl?" He looks at me questioningly but nods. There is a desk in the room and he points to it before leaving the room.

I walk around the dead body on the floor and make my way to the desk, once there I start writing a letter before I reach for my wand to magically copy the strategy onto the paper. It seems four years is not a long enough time to break old habits. So I copy it by hand and roll up my newly finished letter. When Draco returns there is an owl tied to his hand trying furiously to rip him apart with her beak. I recognize her instantly.

"Hedwig?" She calms instantly and Draco releases her to fly to me.

He looks rather pink across the cheeks. "She flew here to find you and I kept her because I figured it would be better for her to stay here and be fed than to not have anywhere to go."

I tie the letter to her leg grinning from ear to ear. She is alive and healthy, which is good. I whisper where she is to deliver the letter and watch as she flies out the window. I turn to face him before proceeding with my next question.

"Now what do we do?"

"We?" He squeaks and I laugh. Hard.

"Of course we! Draco Malfoy just declared his undying love for me, killed his father and gave me Voldemort's plans. You can't honestly believe I am going to leave now when I can stay here and torture you."

He mutters something I can't hear. "What?"

"I did not declare my undying love for you. I simply stated that I might love you." He is huffy and back to the way he acted in school. Or maybe he was always this way and I never noticed.

"Then maybe killing your father was not such a good idea. I think it has to be undying to do something like that."

As I stand in a room teasing Draco Malfoy, while his dead father lies on the floor, I wonder if I have lost my mind. And I have. Because someone loves me and took me away from the bloody war that I never wanted to be in. I will have to fight Voldemort someday, but for now, I want to be here carefree and light. With my lover.

And the world falls apart.


End file.
